Blade Runner 2049

Last weekend I went to watch Blade Runner 2049.
One of my favs for this year (so far)  *drum roll please* because I’ve seen a lot of movies in cinema but only very few that have captured my heart. Anyway, I have two separate views on this movie. One purely if it’s a stand-alone movie, second is for the sequel-thingy. But let me combine both in a single review as a whole.

To begin, first of all, I’m not a fan of Ryan Gosling so it’s safe to say I’m not bias on this. Not a fan of anyone in the movie, not even Harrison Ford. I know, I’m weird but to each his own, I suppose.

As usual, please don’t read any further if you don’t want me to ruin your whole experience of watching the movie itself. And if you’re planning to catch it soon, make sure you watch the theatrical cut of Blade Runner 1982, The Director’s Cut, The Final Cut & The Blackout 2022 (it’s an anime) – I know so many right? Regardless you’ll be fine (mostly) without watching any of these but to be able to relate more, it’s better if you watch them first. Watching the theatrical cut alone would suffice.

Anyway, while watching this, my first thought after some time has passed was that the whole thing was way too predictable, not what I have anticipated. It’s like it’s too soon for them to reveal Deckard’s child. And of course I’m mostly anxious waiting for Deckard to appear – It was only later towards the ending. But I’m glad they got us all fooled (not entirely). A twist (although I’m a wee bit disappointed) that surprised us all – one that heightened my like for this movie!

So let me start with what I read from Denis Villeneuve

“I’m not a big CG fan,” he confessed. “I think it’s a powerful tool, but it can’t just be that. We did the best we could to always try to be live with models and real vehicles and to shoot real landscapes and to have life in front of the camera. Roger Deakins and the production designers really put their mastery into recreating my dream, which is so that if you’re in an apartment, what you will see outside wasn’t done with green screen, they were building the other streets, lighting rigs, the rain was falling for real. It was like you were indoors in 2049.”

While I’m a fan of Denis Villeneuve’s Arrival, nothing can go wrong in Roger Deakins’ hands – the cinematographer. In fact, this movie was done so beautifully leaving me in awe of its stunning visuals – the landscapes, the hologram, the futuristic settings even Wallace’s office. It pleased me aesthetically.

This was one of them. I love this! (This image is from Google, credit to Warner Bros)blade3.0

I like that they’re adding something new making it more refined of a future than its previous setting (Mind you, it’s three decades after) – the snow falling, the avant-garde LA streets and the AI programmable holograms, Joi. *Joi is the blue hair girl in the above image* She’s capable of showing her feelings – empathy, love and whatnot which goes hand in hand with the ‘freedom’ concept that this movie carried.

One that goes with “Does one able to change oneself, to develop own free will
even though one is created/programmed?” How K eventually realized he needs to kill his own kind in order to preserve his own kind – a called for a rebellion away from what have been instructed for him is a classic example.

And if it’s anything that didn’t do anything for me, it’s Wallace (Jared Leto) – the villain. He probably dropped all those biblical references while trying to remain important and mysterious but nah, I felt nothing. But I still like all those subtle references.

When the movie ended, it raised some questions for me knowing K heartily felt the childhood memory as if it was his own even though it was implanted by Dr Ana, the awesome & genuine memory fabricator.
Did she accidentally implant it? Or she did it consciously as a way for her to start a revolution?
And did she put it in every replicant’s memory or was it only inside K’s memory or was it K who felt it the most?

Judging from what has been showed, I don’t think Dr. Ana is aware of her being Deckard’s & Rachael’s child and I’d like to know what happens in the laboratory when Deckard came? I know I’m longing for another sequel despite having mixed feelings of this sequel. Don’t get me wrong, this movie is outstanding but I sort of thought it shouldn’t be made. I know, tons of unanswered questions in the original Blade Runner but it didn’t really get answered the way I wanted anyway. Nevertheless, this movie is still splendidly good. Oh not to forget, Hans Zimmer also contributed the music score for this one. So yeah, go enjoy the movie.

On a different note, I also went to watch Mother! with my dear Mom. I know, it’s crazy! Never a fan of Aronofsky’s work but we watched it by accident because I didn’t know beforehand it was Aronofsky’s and it’s a psychological thriller some more. I mean I don’t mind such genre but my mom? She had to sit through such abominable hours. Ugh. Poor her. The movie was so intense and trust me, I have never hated crowds so much in my entire life than the one in this movie.  It suffocated both me and my mom. There’s this urge to scream while watching it. Writing about this is already detestable. Ugh.

Anyway, about the theme of the movie, it’s all those biblical references of Jesus, humans, earth and all that but I think it’s done excessively up to a point it became pointless, pretentious and just not right. In other words, I’m not intelligent enough to appreciate this art. I am always a fan of metaphors in a movie, heck I live for that, but I only appreciate it when it’s done subtly. I think Aronofsky’s Black Swan is better than this. Me and my mother left the cinema feeling exhausted because it drained us so much. Mental exhaustion from a movie is a good thing only if it challenges me intelectually and this movie lacks of such. But then again, I’m not intelligent enough for this, I suppose.

I also watched this Malay movie called “Bisik Pada Langit”. Actually this was the movie we’re supposed to watch prior to watching Mother!. Dear mom wanted to watch this one so I brought her to Nu Sentral. Didn’t know they don’t play Malay movies there. I got “Kat sini tak tayang cerita Melayu” when I asked about this at the counter. Hence we chose to watch Mother! since we’re already there anyway. Might as well watch a movie.

Anyhow, I don’t watch Malay movies if it’s not for my mother unless they’re really good. I’m sorry but I always think Malay movies, dramas are too shallow and vacuous except very few of them. But since this movie is from Khabir Bhatia, why not right? Last Malay movie I watched with my mother was “Langit Cinta”. I think it was quite good even though it’s Osman Ali’s cos I hate “Ombak Rindu”. Don’t even get me started on that.

Back to this movie, it was okay but I felt the plot was too simple and it could have been better. While it did touch my emotions especially because it’s relatable – I’m the only daughter among 4 brothers and I went abroad to study too but it was only for a short while or on the very tip of it. Because some things are missing – the audience’s connection, the continuity of the plot even the characters’ chemistry among themselves are off. And one thing bugs me the most, what’s up with the Irwan guy wearing the same outfit? Oh and the unnecessary focuses shot for dramatic effect. Haha. Nevertheless, I still think the overt message of “family is important” is cool. It served as a reminder to all of us especially to parents – knowing children are ‘amanah’ from Allah. It’s true that pain from losing parents can never surpasses pain from losing a child. I mean, we often hear that. I can’t tell for sure because I’m not married nor do I have any child but my Mom always reminded me of that. Or was it something along this line – pain from losing a husband can never surpasses pain from losing a child.  Whatever. You get my point.


Stunning Reminder

My cousin passed away yesterday. He was admitted to ICU due to silent heart attack 16 days ago and he’s been there ever since until yesterday, the day when Allah reminded us all that His love is ever greater. I’m bummed and shocked because it was only three days ago the doctor said he’s in stable condition compared to past 14 days. We already flew back home feeling a tad relief knowing he’s getting better. Alas, he’s gone, gone too soon I might add. A young gentleman who is known for his kindness and generosity. I will always remember that.

This silent killer is crazy. Everything happened in a blink of an eye and happened for a reason. The day he got his heart attack, he was not driving – his wife was. They were talking and laughing together until one moment he suddenly became quiet. His wife stunned and shocked seeing him unconscious and he has been like that until his very last breath. No one saw it coming, not even his wife. He’s only 40 something and his first child is getting married next month. At times like this, we are reminded that nothing can come in between death. Death is certain. No one can escape it.

إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعون  “Truly to Allah we belong, and to Him we shall return”

As I’m writing this, I’m in my pensive mood. Not only because of his sudden inevitable death but this emotion triggers some part of my memories, recalling what had happened 10 years ago. Oddly, this is exactly how it went with my late grandmother sans the heart attack. We flew back during school’s holiday/semester’s break because she had fallen ill.
She had no serious disease whatsoever, just old age was catching up to her. At that time, she was really old. No one was sure enough of her true age (old folks didn’t register birth correctly back then) but we agreed that she’d be around 100.

I remember we had to fly back home with heavy heart because holiday period has ended. A day or two right after we arrived home, my dear grandmother passed away.
Only my father flew back to attend her burial ceremony because it’s too far & too costly for all of us to go back again. In my entire life, I’ve never seen my father cried and her death changed that. I mean he’s probably cried before but I’ve never seen it but that moment, I guess he could no longer hold it. Knowing my father had lost his father at the tender age of 15, I understand my father’s sorrow that day. My grandmother brought up all 9 of her children on her own, doing all kind of jobs – menuai padi, tanam sayur, berkebun etc. What a strong woman considering the life they had back then.

Because I already cried a bucket seeing my bedridden grandmother. Yes, I have this fragile heart. I fondly remember she was already ill lying in her mattress & I’d go and give her a light massage and read Yasin by her side from time to time while struggling to wipe my tears unnoticed. Another thing I vividly remember was seeing my cousin’s wife cleaning after my grandmother’s, putting on diaper for her every single day without a sigh or frown in her face. Not even a word of complaint. You know how tedious it is but she’d do it willingly and happily at that. Such beauty and compassion. I haven’t even reach my 20’s but I know that is pure love and kindness.

Anyhow, I really miss my late grandmother. Every time we went back to her house, we’re never short of gifts and foods. She’d pack and wrap her own homemade kuih sepit, karas, putu kacang, agar2 kering, bahulu for us to bring back home. Yeah that many! Amazing, wasn’t she? She used to sew baju kurung for me too and sometimes she gave me her own homemade bedak sejuk. Aww I miss her. I may not be a good/decent granddaughter because there were many things I didn’t understand back then – All those family politics and drama. Never a day goes by that I wish the younger me would understand such and things would be different but we learn as we grow up, right? I just wish she’s here so I could requite her kindness for whatever that went wrong though I’m pretty sure she’d say nothing is ever wrong with a big heart she has.

Nevertheless, I pray that both my grandmother and cousin and just everyone I know who are dead are all happy down there and up above. May Allah bless them in hereafter.

I’ll leave this space with last verse of surah Yasin that goes “So glorified be He and exalted above all that they associate with Him, and in Whose Hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him you shall be returned” and surah An-Nisa verse 78 “Wherever you may be, death will overtake you, even if you are in fortresses built up strong and high”

May it serves as a reminder to all of us knowing that our ground is somebody’s ceiling to reflect in this borrowed time.

In Retrospect

I remember created this blog years ago when I was broken. I needed a place for me to just document my thoughts and emotions. I wanted this to be different. I wanted this to be anonymous (Well I’m not anymore). I foresee it as a place where my naked thoughts are effortlessly penned, with no hesitation and doubt, away from judgmental perception of those who know me. Sometimes people have a way misinterpreting what I wrote.

I wanted this to be some sort of a keepsake where I’d document my thoughts and memories, things I did in the past (while I still remember it as it was) but sadly, that’s not the case. I rarely write in here and if I do, I’d usually leave it in my draft section. Untouched. Until I come up with something new and leave it there AGAIN. I have tons of them. Truthfully, my train of thoughts is never empty. I always have something to say/comment of anything I read, saw and remember. It has always been like that even when I was still a kid.

Anyway, back to the point. Once in a while, I’d look back at old photo trying to remember what really happened at the exact moment it was captured. Oftentimes, I failed at doing so. Sometimes I think it’s funny how my memories are contradicting. I don’t remember things as how they were being spoken of (by those who shared the same memories as me) or even as how it was photographed. Hence I think it’s a good way for me to write it in here what I miss most, what I’ve experienced while I still remember. However good that is, I haven’t materialize it.  I mean, look at this dusty space? *laugh hysterically*

I mean I know the importance of writing and capturing moments. It’s one way of keeping them intact. It’s just that I’m not keen on the idea of updating my life in public spaces. Well I never do that anyway but I do write some bits of my life here and there for the sake of keeping it in my go-to places, for the sake of writing, however mundane that is. I just wish the urge to write is as swift as I want it to be. Nevertheless, it’s still therapeutic to find my way back in here though.

Anyhow, I was browsing my inbox for an old email and I stumbled across this email thread from an employer. All of a sudden, I picture a different life than what I’m now living. A challenging life I dream of. Not being ungrateful of what I have now. I am grateful. In fact, I have almost forgotten about this one until I saw this thread of exchanged emails. I got this amazing job offer back in England but I had to decline it, not once but twice. One for a part time, another one for a permanent job, both from same employer. To work professionally in England is not easy for foreigners like us. I got this through my university. I saw this opportunity when I read this job advertised in my university. Being spontaneous, of course I applied for it – for money and technical exposure. I was just trying my luck. I didn’t expect they’d call me for an interview and didn’t expect to get it either. But I got it. There’s a short story on how I got that job but I’m gonna skip it.

I was torn in between when I received the offer. Like what, seriously??? It was Ramadan and I had a huge project to finish but I remember telling myself to take this challenge however risky that is, of course after series of istikharah prayers and opinions from people who are dear/close to me. On the former, it may sound pretentious to some but I don’t want to be ashamed of what I do as part of my faith. It’s something I picked up years ago on my reforming journey getting closer to my Maker. Since then, I always make some time to do it.

Anyway, the job did not happen.

Initially, I had already accepted it and while they were working to sort out my visa (I only have student visa), some important people in EESE school were being informed of this and they called me in. We had a long discussion of what’s important reminding me (more like shoving me) my goal and aim of being there because it was only few months away before I’m graduated. Granted, I understand their worries because I already had a lot on my plate – big project under my nose + some other small projects. The other concerns were my long commute time (it’s an hour away), my ramadan iftar at night and student cannot work more than 20 hours/week just as stated in my visa. Of course, this job requires more than that. Never did once they asked me to decline it but they were just helping me weighing my option, telling me not to bite more than I can chew and just to stir the pot. *laugh* In my defense, of course, I already foresaw and calculated the risk before I accepted it. But being stubborn and hasty that I am, I still took it. Well I’m not that stubborn (I wish I was) because eventually I declined it politely. Imagine I had to do it after I had agreed to work for them. Luckily, I haven’t sign the agreement.

Anyway, I am just overwhelmed with memories. While I’m at it, it occurred to me that you can easily lose something even when it’s already within your grasp. How amusing and beautiful, reminded me of this

“No amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by God’s decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee.” 

I mean look at how things turned out. Thankfully, it happened that way because I was so freaking busy during that period. I almost didn’t finish my big project and thesis. Had I taken it, it would be a disaster for the life of me.

However, I was given the same opportunity after I graduated albeit this time around, they came up with one condition – I have to stay and work permanently for few years to bear the cost of my professional visa. A win-win contract I would say. And this is where, in retrospect, I wish I had took it, I wish I had thought thoroughly about this, I wish I had leap at this opportunity. For this, it didn’t take me long to decline it simply because I didn’t want to stay. I want to go back and settle down.

Funnily, that too did not happen.

Reminiscing this at this hour leaving me with the usual what-ifs. Such dreamy life seems to be a far-fetched idea for me. Okay, enough with me remembering things I shouldn’t remember. Back to living reality and be content with it. And before I go to slumber-land, let me put my go-to words whenever I’m feeling ungrateful and discontented

“My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me, and that what misses me was never meant for me”

Good night.


I went to watch Dunkirk 2 days ago. I’ve been waiting for this movie for so long. I have mixed feelings about this film. I gave this 9/10. Here’s why but if you’re gonna watch it anytime soon, please don’t read further because it may contains spoilers. Who likes that anyway?

First of all, I went there thinking it’d be similar to most war films I’ve seen. You know the one packed with actions, intense battle scenes of some sort with prominent protagonist and awesome comrades and anything alike that make a solid war film. And I was expecting something that would evoke my sad emotion as a whole. Clearly I was wrong. I had forgotten how Nolan always did something in his own different way. In fact, I read in an article where Nolan said “this is my most experimental film”. I mean I should have expected what’s coming having seen his films but that’s the beauty of watching a film. You’ll never know what you see until you see it.

Having said that, it doesn’t mean I was disappointed but in my humble opinion this is not Nolan’s best work like many others claimed and certainly not the best war film. I mean if I were to rate it based on character development, I’d give 5/10 because there’s NONE. There’s no single individual who outshine any others and no melodramatic heroic act from a single person too. And on top of it all, this film has very little dialogue.

However, I’m fascinated by how Nolan developed a very simple story line in a complicated way and by how he conveyed the emotions throughout the scenes with minimal dialogue. He practically made the story just as how we know it, nothing less nothing more. He didn’t glorify anything at all making it to be a very realistic war film. Maybe someone else would try to glorify it by creating some false heroic act but you know that’s not the case for Nolan, he didn’t manipulate it just for the sake of viewer’s approval.

Anyhow, I’ve said earlier this didn’t evoke any of my sad emotions (it may be different for others) but it doesn’t mean this has no emotion whatsoever. As a matter of fact, it has plenty, the movie itself depends on it and the visuals. He portrayed how it (stranded at Dunkirk) was a very harrowing journey to survive and make it back to England’s border when it’s just 34 km away. This film has three different overlapped timelines in three different perspectives. 1) One week setting in The Mole – LAND. 2) One day setting in The Sea – WATER. 3) One hour setting in The Air – AIR. Each is meticulously threaded into one another (quite confusing at first though but you’ll see its beauty eventually) and Nolan leaves it to audience how to interpret it.

Dunkirk’s cinematography is nothing short of amazing, visually enthralling especially the spitfires’ scenes. Almost all of the scenes looked realistic but there’s one that looked a bit CGI-ish for me but it’s a minor one involving the ship. If you wanna watch this soon, mind to watch in IMAX 70mm. Dunkirk was shot in IMAX 70mm film so it’s best viewed in IMAX 70mm as the visual is clearer, more detailed in whole frame, you’ll feel like you’re there. You definitely need this because the movie has little dialogue that I felt the scenes were all amplified by Hans Zimmer’s score. Thanks to him for that.

Overall as I stated earlier, I rated this with 9/10 and I thank Nolan for still keeping that cinematic experience alive for us.

Another Year Older

Last Saturday I turned a year older. Alhamdulillah. It’s one of those days where it occurred to me that my life is different than what I’ve planned all along, of course reminding me that God’s plan is always better. All those missed chances for something I thought would be good for me actually opened another door of opportunity for me, some of which shaped me to become who I am today. Things I didn’t know possible for me became possible, things I didn’t know I’d enjoy became enjoyable or even things I thought I’d hate became admirable now. At certain point of life, many things have different meaning. What I deem as happiness changed as I grow older. How amazing is that?

I’m also grateful knowing my whole life is governed by God that it’s through His mercy that I’m always protected and saved even when I forget to save myself.  Isn’t it the same case for everyone else? I also believe blessing comes in many ways of which sometimes we may have overlooked some of them. We’re definitely blessed beyond measure. It’s through others’ kindness that we are reminded of God’s love. You know how God blessed us with so many good people around us. I have a loving family I wouldn’t trade for anything in this world, wonderful best friends who’d always be there emotionally and physically and of course the rest of the people in my life. Life may not be easy for some of us but look around, look at how God placed each and everyone in our life, how they’re all carrying different role to ease our life in many ways. Okay this may be going too far, I could go on and on but I sounded like a motivational speaker or something like that so I’ll stop right here :’) Enough with that.

So it was my birthday last Saturday. Didn’t do anything fancy, I spent the whole day for movie marathon with my best friend. We watched 3 movies. First was Beauty & The Beast. I know we’re so late but I grew up with Disney’s princesses (Though Belle is not my fav) so I went for it. Hearing bad reviews from our friends made us lower our expectation so much. Surprisingly it was not that bad. I mean it was okay-ish minus the excessive singing part. I hate musical movie but we all know how Disney always has songs in their movies but I think Beauty & The Beast was too much. I never like the main idea of how a girl fell in love with a Beast etc but I watched it for the sake of re-living my childhood. I guess it was okay.

Second one was King Arthur: Legend of The Sword. It wasn’t exactly the best but entertaining enough. Probably because I love Arthurian legend and this was kind of a “new story” for the Arthurian legend. The story line however is disappointing and floppy. The music score was quite good.  I was expecting Merlin in this film but there’s no Merlin, it sort of killed it for me and the rest of the characters didn’t really have any significant role despite being Arthur’s companion. Beckham had his first acting debut in this film too. I cringed even if it’s just for a short scene.

Final one was Alien: Covenant.  The cinematography was good. Well it’s filmed in NZ. I’m not really a fan of alien movie but I watched Prometheus. Honestly it was a long time ago so I couldn’t recall most of the plot anyway. Watching this again, I was recalling this and that. Scientifically, I like the sick idea of how David used Shaw’s reproductive system to create the ovomorph and all that mumbo jumbo to blend her DNA with host DNA. At first, I didn’t like Capt. Daniels but her character grew on me. I admire her bravery.

We wanted to watch Gifted too but no time left. 3 movies consumed too much of a day for us anyway. We started at 11.15 am until 9++ pm including time for us to have lunch and prayers, yeah we skipped dinner and later replaced with dessert. We had fun but next time I don’t think we should watch sci-fi movie, not my best friend’s genre anyway. It was actually her idea to watch Alien:Covenant but she was frightened restless for most of the scenes anyway. But of course, we laughed it off when it ended.

Of Mount Irau & Mossy Forest

I’ve been wanting to write in here for so long but didn’t manage to get some time to write. I’ve been busy. Tomorrow I’m heading to Singapore and I’d like to clear some images in my phone taken during my recent hiking trip.

On Labor day holiday, I’ve conquered the 15th highest mountain in Malaysia,
Mount Irau. It was insane considering that was my first mountain ever and I’m not even a usual hiker. I’ve never been to any small hills/mountains etc. Even so, in my bucket list I have 3 mountains to climb including Mt. Irau due to its famous mossy forest dubbed as Fangorn forest in LOTR. Being a fan of LOTR, of course I’d love to see it with my own eyes. At first, we’re a bit reluctant to go knowing the hiking package (incl guider/permit/1st aid/police report) is expensive because we don’t have more than 10 pax. But the owner was kind enough to tell us to join random group. Most of them are either solo hiker or team with less than 5 members. There were only me and my best friend so that’s a great alternative. Both of us never hike any mountain though my best friend has climbed some of the small hills. Of course, we didn’t know what we signed up for. Haha

I had no training whatsoever, not even testing my fitness level etc. Just went for it as if it was nothing. Oh how I was wrong. I came unprepared in term of fitness capacity.
The uneven and steep trail was extremely muddy. You know the peat type where you can really sink in it. That’s where you spent most of your energy trying to avoid the mud, stepping on tree root and climbing properly. We were told the mountain has “W” shape so it’s descending, ascending to Mini Irau then descending and ascending again to the top of Mt. Irau.

Frankly speaking, I had no problem going up to the top of the peak. Me and my best friend were happily climbing. In fact, we were among the first members to reach the peak. We’re in awe of the stunning view of mossy forest.

However……going back to the starting point having to go through “W” shape again with depleting energy was really exhausting. My best friend, she’s still fine, tired but not worn-out like me. Both of us didn’t bring/eat any heavy breakfast or lunch even though we’ve been told to bring our own lunch pack. We couldn’t find any stall early in the morning (We’re not familiar of the town) and we weren’t looking properly anyway. Because later I found out they bought nasi lemak from mamak. I totally forgot about mamak. We had two slices of bread and cereal bars for lunch. Of course that was not enough to replenish our energy. Luckily we brought 100 plus & snickers bar.

It took us 1 hour to reach Mini Irau so that was fine. But going further, I was beat especially the part where we had to climb again and again. No energy to lift my body up, had to stop a few times to rest. And that was a mistake, I know. One useful tip in any marathon/running or hiking is not to stop frequently. This eventually makes you even more tired than you already are. But I had no choice. To stop or die! Haha. Okay that was a joke. All I think at that particular time was I wanna go down so very badly. Still, it was not enough to make me go as fast as I could. Tried my best and I couldn’t care less of the muddy trails, I stepped on everything. There were times where my right foot sunk in the mud and I just took it out as if it was nothing. That level of tiredness. It was raining twice so it was kinda cold that day, adding up to already chilly weather on top of the mountain. Grateful for that! Else we’d be drenched in sweat.

All in all, I was thankful to go on this amazing journey with my best friend. She helped me a lot especially when I was exhausted. Our guiders were awesome too! We didn’t get the chance to walk side by side with him during the 1st trip. But on our way back, I think he randomly looked for those who are exhausted to motivate them. And yes, that’s me! He entertained me with his antics to keep me going. He went on to talk casually with me so that it kept me occupied. He’s cute anyway! When I restored my energy enough to keep me going (My best friend was fine), we went up a bit fast so he stayed to look for other slow members at the back. We were in the middle. See? Different pace. Going up – we’re among the lead crowd.  Going down – we’re in the middle crowd.

Surprisingly, our hike back down record is faster than hike up. We arrived at 5.55pm. We went up at 8.50am. Total time recorded is around 9 hours including rest time and waiting time for other members to arrive at Mini Irau & Peak, not other checkpoints. We were not told to wait for others in any checkpoint, just Mini Irau and peak. Group photo is a must anyway. There were 20 of us and like 30-50 more from other group. Imagine the level of crowd? You had to wait for others in front of you whilst going up/going down. So I understand the urge to overtake those in front of you because slowing down is tiring.

Overall I’m satisfied with my achievement. For a completely first timer, it was good enough! Our guiders told us two days earlier, they came down at 8pm because they had to wait for the first time hikers. And some of us didn’t even make it to the top of the peak because the track was so bad. Full of mud. So I guess we’re not that bad huh?!

I went there without knowing Mt. Irau is the 15th highest mountain (Its summit is at 6924ft). Of course I didn’t know the mountain’s height and I didn’t know the track is considered hard. I went there with zero training, not even a daily/weekly exercise. So ignorant. No wonder people were shocked when we told them this is our first mountain. Most of them had experience climbing KK, Nuang, Ledang and many more. Most of them are athletic. Well there’s always first time for everything. I will keep this fond memory of my first mountain hike. Lesson learned. For my next hiking trip, I should improve my stamina and endurance level so that I won’t be that beat. Make sure to eat heavy breakfast or lunch. No heavy bag too. This one guy came up to me and asked if he could hold my bag for a while to see how heavy it is. Haha

The view on top of this peak was nothing unusual. I mean it’s a normal view clouded with thick fog but the view throughout the whole hike especially 15 minutes before arriving its peak was spectacular! Subhanallah. I felt like I was in a different world. Thick greenish mossy forest and I super love the mossy covered ground. So squishy and fluffy like a carpet. Alhamdulillah for this incredible experience. I’m in good health and we came back in one piece, no injury whatsoever. Some of us got minor injury because some of the tree branches are quite sharp. You have to be extra careful. And there’s this one lady sprained her ankle because she fell. I’m not sure if she continues or not. She’s not from our group.

My muscles are still sore as I write this. Despite the unbearable pain, I began to like mountain hiking. Now I understand why people are fond of mountain hiking. Such in-explainable feeling! We have made lots of new friends too. All of them were really nice and friendly. We exchanged pictures because some of our pics were taken using other’s phone and vice versa. In fact, some of these amazing pictures I uploaded here were taken by our group member. Thanks to him. His pictures are beautiful. Anyhow I’m so glad that we have another friends to hike together. Some of them even invited us to join their next hiking trip to Tahan, Nuang, KK etc. But I guess I have to hang my hiking shoes for a while. Maybe after raya, I can pick up where I left.  This is definitely won’t be my last mountain.

Of Being Moody

I’m back on twitter because I need a place to talk to myself, you know, to rant. I’m glad I’m back though I aim to post less in social media but I just can’t help it. Twitter seems to be a good place for me. I get updates for current news, current tech & science news and some gossips. Haha

Recently I saw my best friend posted this :

“Sagittarius tend to push people away when they’re moody or upset. They will only talk about it if they want to”

What? It sounds exactly like me (Taurus here!). I tend to push people away when I’m moody or upset, especially when I have lots of things on my plate. It may sounds selfish but in my defense, I do it to protect the people I care. Not to further hurt them.

Because I know I can be difficult at times like that (I am!)

What I do best at times like that is to sleep it all off. I choose to sleep as early as I can so that when I wake up, I’ll feel better. I choose not to talk to anyone because it’d stir my feelings into chaos, and I might hurt their feelings with my cynical and wry remarks or action. Best to avoid it whenever I can. Because you know, talking to someone when you’re moody, you tend to dismiss their opinions and brush it off without realizing it. Oblivious to that until when you have a sound mind, you tend to remember it all.

Plus I’m a very secretive person. I don’t like to tell people what sort of problems I’m dealing with.
I feel like it’s a burden enough for me, no need to weigh it on somebody else. I can count by hand how many persons I told about what was going on. Like what happened to my little brother, only very few knows. Even so, I left out the details, it’s best known only to families. And some things, I never tell anyone. I’m my best secret keeper. I have so many things only known to myself.

I think 2015 was a rough year for me, a lot of things happened and no one really knew what was going on. Not even my then boyfriend. I think he hated me for that, for being difficult among all things. But oh well, I didn’t deny that but if he’s serious about us, he’d have given me chance to prove myself. I’m better than that, I swear. It’s just at that point of time, I lost to myself. I get caught up with my own self, with my own problems. I’m struggling with my own self. Luckily I’m okay now, I’m back on tracks but well I lost the relationship. It’s okay. I learned my lessons anyway. He’s probably somewhere cheering about it because last time I know, all he wanted was a way out. He got it! Good for him.

Being moody when we have lots of things on our plate is normal though. The problem is when we have PMS and all sort of feelings hit you. You can even cry for no apparent reason. That is not normal, though it is supposed to be normal if you are a woman. Haha what in the world??? I have 3 best friends of whom I talk to almost everyday. We, too, are having ‘that pensive mood’ or ‘I am angry at anything’ mood once in every month. Haha. At least good to know it is perfectly normal to feel such.