Another Year Older

Last Saturday I turned a year older. Alhamdulillah. It’s one of those days where it occurred to me that my life is different than what I’ve planned all along, of course reminding me that God’s plan is always better. All those missed chances for something I thought would be good for me actually opened another door of opportunity for me, some of which shaped me to become who I am today. Things I didn’t know possible for me became possible, things I didn’t know I’d enjoy became enjoyable or even things I thought I’d hate became admirable now. At certain point of life, many things have different meaning. What I deem as happiness changed as I grow older. How amazing is that?

I’m also grateful knowing my whole life is governed by God that it’s through His mercy that I’m always protected and saved even when I forget to save myself.  Isn’t it the same case for everyone else? I also believe blessing comes in many ways of which sometimes we may have overlooked some of them. We’re definitely blessed beyond measure. It’s through others’ kindness that we are reminded of God’s love. You know how God blessed us with so many good people around us. I have a loving family I wouldn’t trade for anything in this world, wonderful best friends who’d always be there emotionally and physically and of course the rest of the people in my life. Life may not be easy for some of us but look around, look at how God placed each and everyone in our life, how they’re all carrying different role to ease our life in many ways. Okay this may be going too far, I could go on and on but I sounded like a motivational speaker or something like that so I’ll stop right here :’) Enough with that.

So it was my birthday last Saturday. Didn’t do anything fancy, I spent the whole day for movie marathon with my best friend. We watched 3 movies. First was Beauty & The Beast. I know we’re so late but I grew up with Disney’s princesses (Though Belle is not my fav) so I went for it. Hearing bad reviews from our friends made us lower our expectation so much. Surprisingly it was not that bad. I mean it was okay-ish minus the excessive singing part. I hate musical movie but we all know how Disney always has songs in their movies but I think Beauty & The Beast was too much. I never like the main idea of how a girl fell in love with a Beast etc but I watched it for the sake of re-living my childhood. I guess it was okay.

Second one was King Arthur: Legend of The Sword. It wasn’t exactly the best but entertaining enough. Probably because I love Arthurian legend and this was kind of a “new story” for the Arthurian legend. The story line however is disappointing and floppy. The music score was quite good.  I was expecting Merlin in this film but there’s no Merlin, it sort of killed it for me and the rest of the characters didn’t really have any significant role despite being Arthur’s companion. Beckham had his first acting debut in this film too. I cringed even if it’s just for a short scene.

Final one was Alien: Covenant.  The cinematography was good. Well it’s filmed in NZ. I’m not really a fan of alien movie but I watched Prometheus. Honestly it was a long time ago so I couldn’t recall most of the plot anyway. Watching this again, I was recalling this and that. Scientifically, I like the sick idea of how David used Shaw’s reproductive system to create the ovomorph and all that mumbo jumbo to blend her DNA with host DNA. At first, I didn’t like Capt. Daniels but her character grew on me. I admire her bravery.

We wanted to watch Gifted too but no time left. 3 movies consumed too much of a day for us anyway. We started at 11.15 am until 9++ pm including time for us to have lunch and prayers, yeah we skipped dinner and later replaced with dessert. We had fun but next time I don’t think we should watch sci-fi movie, not my best friend’s genre anyway. It was actually her idea to watch Alien:Covenant but she was frightened restless for most of the scenes anyway. But of course, we laughed it off when it ended.

Of Mount Irau & Mossy Forest

I’ve been wanting to write in here for so long but didn’t manage to get some time to write. I’ve been busy. Tomorrow I’m heading to Singapore and I’d like to clear some images in my phone taken during my recent hiking trip.

On Labor day holiday, I’ve conquered the 15th highest mountain in Malaysia,
Mount Irau. It was insane considering that was my first mountain ever and I’m not even a usual hiker. I’ve never been to any small hills/mountains etc. Even so, in my bucket list I have 3 mountains to climb including Mt. Irau due to its famous mossy forest dubbed as Fangorn forest in LOTR. Being a fan of LOTR, of course I’d love to see it with my own eyes. At first, we’re a bit reluctant to go knowing the hiking package (incl guider/permit/1st aid/police report) is expensive because we don’t have more than 10 pax. But the owner was kind enough to tell us to join random group. Most of them are either solo hiker or team with less than 5 members. There were only me and my best friend so that’s a great alternative. Both of us never hike any mountain though my best friend has climbed some of the small hills. Of course, we didn’t know what we signed up for. Haha

I had no training whatsoever, not even testing my fitness level etc. Just went for it as if it was nothing. Oh how I was wrong. I came unprepared in term of fitness capacity.
The uneven and steep trail was extremely muddy. You know the peat type where you can really sink in it. That’s where you spent most of your energy trying to avoid the mud, stepping on tree root and climbing properly. We were told the mountain has “W” shape so it’s descending, ascending to Mini Irau then descending and ascending again to the top of Mt. Irau.

Frankly speaking, I had no problem going up to the top of the peak. Me and my best friend were happily climbing. In fact, we were among the first members to reach the peak. We’re in awe of the stunning view of mossy forest.

However……going back to the starting point having to go through “W” shape again with depleting energy was really exhausting. My best friend, she’s still fine, tired but not worn-out like me. Both of us didn’t bring/eat any heavy breakfast or lunch even though we’ve been told to bring our own lunch pack. We couldn’t find any stall early in the morning (We’re not familiar of the town) and we weren’t looking properly anyway. Because later I found out they bought nasi lemak from mamak. I totally forgot about mamak. We had two slices of bread and cereal bars for lunch. Of course that was not enough to replenish our energy. Luckily we brought 100 plus & snickers bar.

It took us 1 hour to reach Mini Irau so that was fine. But going further, I was beat especially the part where we had to climb again and again. No energy to lift my body up, had to stop a few times to rest. And that was a mistake, I know. One useful tip in any marathon/running or hiking is not to stop frequently. This eventually makes you even more tired than you already are. But I had no choice. To stop or die! Haha. Okay that was a joke. All I think at that particular time was I wanna go down so very badly. Still, it was not enough to make me go as fast as I could. Tried my best and I couldn’t care less of the muddy trails, I stepped on everything. There were times where my right foot sunk in the mud and I just took it out as if it was nothing. That level of tiredness. It was raining twice so it was kinda cold that day, adding up to already chilly weather on top of the mountain. Grateful for that! Else we’d be drenched in sweat.

All in all, I was thankful to go on this amazing journey with my best friend. She helped me a lot especially when I was exhausted. Our guiders were awesome too! We didn’t get the chance to walk side by side with him during the 1st trip. But on our way back, I think he randomly looked for those who are exhausted to motivate them. And yes, that’s me! He entertained me with his antics to keep me going. He went on to talk casually with me so that it kept me occupied. He’s cute anyway! When I restored my energy enough to keep me going (My best friend was fine), we went up a bit fast so he stayed to look for other slow members at the back. We were in the middle. See? Different pace. Going up – we’re among the lead crowd.  Going down – we’re in the middle crowd.

Surprisingly, our hike back down record is faster than hike up. We arrived at 5.55pm. We went up at 8.50am. Total time recorded is around 9 hours including rest time and waiting time for other members to arrive at Mini Irau & Peak, not other checkpoints. We were not told to wait for others in any checkpoint, just Mini Irau and peak. Group photo is a must anyway. There were 20 of us and like 30-50 more from other group. Imagine the level of crowd? You had to wait for others in front of you whilst going up/going down. So I understand the urge to overtake those in front of you because slowing down is tiring.

Overall I’m satisfied with my achievement. For a completely first timer, it was good enough! Our guiders told us two days earlier, they came down at 8pm because they had to wait for the first time hikers. And some of us didn’t even make it to the top of the peak because the track was so bad. Full of mud. So I guess we’re not that bad huh?!

I went there without knowing Mt. Irau is the 15th highest mountain (Its summit is at 6924ft). Of course I didn’t know the mountain’s height and I didn’t know the track is considered hard. I went there with zero training, not even a daily/weekly exercise. So ignorant. No wonder people were shocked when we told them this is our first mountain. Most of them had experience climbing KK, Nuang, Ledang and many more. Most of them are athletic. Well there’s always first time for everything. I will keep this fond memory of my first mountain hike. Lesson learned. For my next hiking trip, I should improve my stamina and endurance level so that I won’t be that beat. Make sure to eat heavy breakfast or lunch. No heavy bag too. This one guy came up to me and asked if he could hold my bag for a while to see how heavy it is. Haha

The view on top of this peak was nothing unusual. I mean it’s a normal view clouded with thick fog but the view throughout the whole hike especially 15 minutes before arriving its peak was spectacular! Subhanallah. I felt like I was in a different world. Thick greenish mossy forest and I super love the mossy covered ground. So squishy and fluffy like a carpet. Alhamdulillah for this incredible experience. I’m in good health and we came back in one piece, no injury whatsoever. Some of us got minor injury because some of the tree branches are quite sharp. You have to be extra careful. And there’s this one lady sprained her ankle because she fell. I’m not sure if she continues or not. She’s not from our group.

My muscles are still sore as I write this. Despite the unbearable pain, I began to like mountain hiking. Now I understand why people are fond of mountain hiking. Such in-explainable feeling! We have made lots of new friends too. All of them were really nice and friendly. We exchanged pictures because some of our pics were taken using other’s phone and vice versa. In fact, some of these amazing pictures I uploaded here were taken by our group member. Thanks to him. His pictures are beautiful. Anyhow I’m so glad that we have another friends to hike together. Some of them even invited us to join their next hiking trip to Tahan, Nuang, KK etc. But I guess I have to hang my hiking shoes for a while. Maybe after raya, I can pick up where I left.  This is definitely won’t be my last mountain.

Of Being Moody

I’m back on twitter because I need a place to talk to myself, you know, to rant. I’m glad I’m back though I aim to post less in social media but I just can’t help it. Twitter seems to be a good place for me. I get updates for current news, current tech & science news and some gossips. Haha

Recently I saw my best friend posted this :

“Sagittarius tend to push people away when they’re moody or upset. They will only talk about it if they want to”

What? It sounds exactly like me (Taurus here!). I tend to push people away when I’m moody or upset, especially when I have lots of things on my plate. It may sounds selfish but in my defense, I do it to protect the people I care. Not to further hurt them.

Because I know I can be difficult at times like that (I am!)

What I do best at times like that is to sleep it all off. I choose to sleep as early as I can so that when I wake up, I’ll feel better. I choose not to talk to anyone because it’d stir my feelings into chaos, and I might hurt their feelings with my cynical and wry remarks or action. Best to avoid it whenever I can. Because you know, talking to someone when you’re moody, you tend to dismiss their opinions and brush it off without realizing it. Oblivious to that until when you have a sound mind, you tend to remember it all.

Plus I’m a very secretive person. I don’t like to tell people what sort of problems I’m dealing with.
I feel like it’s a burden enough for me, no need to weigh it on somebody else. I can count by hand how many persons I told about what was going on. Like what happened to my little brother, only very few knows. Even so, I left out the details, it’s best known only to families. And some things, I never tell anyone. I’m my best secret keeper. I have so many things only known to myself.

I think 2015 was a rough year for me, a lot of things happened and no one really knew what was going on. Not even my then boyfriend. I think he hated me for that, for being difficult among all things. But oh well, I didn’t deny that but if he’s serious about us, he’d have given me chance to prove myself. I’m better than that, I swear. It’s just at that point of time, I lost to myself. I get caught up with my own self, with my own problems. I’m struggling with my own self. Luckily I’m okay now, I’m back on tracks but well I lost the relationship. It’s okay. I learned my lessons anyway. He’s probably somewhere cheering about it because last time I know, all he wanted was a way out. He got it! Good for him.

Being moody when we have lots of things on our plate is normal though. The problem is when we have PMS and all sort of feelings hit you. You can even cry for no apparent reason. That is not normal, though it is supposed to be normal if you are a woman. Haha what in the world??? I have 3 best friends of whom I talk to almost everyday. We, too, are having ‘that pensive mood’ or ‘I am angry at anything’ mood once in every month. Haha. At least good to know it is perfectly normal to feel such.

Hacksaw Ridge

This weekend I had some time to watch Hacksaw Ridge. Truthfully I didn’t know there’s a war movie directed by Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson rarely disappoints. The movie was released November last year and I didn’t even know that until I heard the movie screening being announced on the radio. The movie is only screened this month in my country. I was so looking forward to Dunkirk that I lost sight of this beautiful movie. Give me any war based movie and paired with ‘based on a true story’, I’m sold! Just like that. At least, you get me to watch it regardless how bad the story line is because that’s for me to decide after I watch it. I love war based movie especially if it’s based on a remarkable true story like Hacksaw Ridge. I never knew I get to see another war movie as good as Saving Private Ryan.

Hacksaw Ridge didn’t disappoint. It was portrayed amazingly; the cinematography, the scripts (It was not cheesy or anything unrealistic), the story line (A tad religious though) and amazing casts. But at some point I still see Vince Vaughn as a funny guy, can’t help it. He was a real surprise too. Sam Worthington on the other hand, he’s with his usual style. Andrew Garfield however is the most surprising one. People said he was a miscast but I beg to differ. He was pretty good great as Desmond Doss. I don’t know Desmond Doss but I would imagined him to be exactly as how Andrew Garfield carried himself in Hacksaw Ridge. You know a brave young man with full conscience and knows what he’s doing. A man struggling with the world with his own values. I don’t know what is it but Doss genuinely hit me emotionally throughout the film. I see bravery, honesty and sincerity. It was just in the right amount to tap into my emotion.

Mel Gibson knows what we want in a war movie. The strong graphic depictions of the war events blew me away. It was brutal but remains classic. Gore, violence but never unpleasant. Mind you, the movie was about 2 hours long but it was never a dull moment for me. I love how Doss’s character slowly unfolds from the beginning towards the end, Andrew Garfield made it believable to see how Doss became a true hero. What a courage! God bless a kind heart like that.

On another note, I have yet to watch Split. Heard good reviews about the film and James Mcavoy himself. I wanna watch it but too bad, the film is only shown in certain cinemas. Maybe I should get some time to watch it or else, just wait for HD version online. I don’t have any obligation to watch it in cinema. It’s only for Marvel movies. It’s a satisfaction for me to watch it in cinema 🙂

Happy New Year

Happy New Year
It’s already 10th anyway.

I think 2016 was not that bad compared to 2015.
Too many things happened in 2015, think it was my worst year ever.

2016 was not good either but at least I’m doing much better toward the end of it.
My life is slowly building up.
I’m getting healthier. No, I think my health is in good condition.
I no longer feel as fatigue as I was especially at night time.
I get a whole lot of energy to do lots of things at day and night which is good 🙂

My broken-hearted heart (such emphasis! haha) is healing and I’m doing much better.
It took me such a long time to finally be at this state. It gets better in time.
I don’t think that much about such matter any more and yes, still not ready to open my heart to anyone.
Back to building walls, it’s what I do best. I believe in Allah and I pray that Allah will open my heart only to someone true and real. Insha Allah, everything will happen in His perfect timing. I pray Allah will help me guard my heart until then.

I have pick up new interest too. Now I kinda like watching horror movies.
I used to decline watching it whenever anyone offers me because most of the time I’d be covering my eyes and bugging people to tell me what did I miss.
Table has turned. I now enjoy watching this kind of movie with my brothers, not alone. Haven’t reach that level yet. Baby steps. Haha.
Surprisingly watching the ‘ghosts’ was not that scary.
Not sure if I’m old enough I’m no longer scared or I already increased my scare tolerance that somehow it felt normal. Haha

Last but not least, I didn’t make save that much money in 2016, more like I spent most of them on unnecessary things.
Despite all the rough edges in my life, I’m content with my life. It’s far from perfect. I still have few bumps here and there but I’m doing fine.

Well it’s a new year and as cliche as it sounds, it’s a new me too.
I hope I will save more money this year and not spending more than what I earned. I also hope I will spend less time on social media. This should not be hard because I deactivated my fb many years ago and no longer active in Twitter. The only social media account I’m still active is Instagram. In this case, I hope I will post less too. Oh well, I rarely post that frequent anyway.

I have already made plans for the whole year and I have 3 main goals (Let it be known between me and my Maker) for this year.
If anything goes in the wrong direction or something comes up in the middle of it all,
I believe Allah is The Best Planner and He knows what is good and bad for me. After all, He is the Disposer of all affairs. So I’m good, knowing I have Allah.

2017 has many movies for me to watch too. Not a fan of Batman vs Superman cos I think it has weak plots and ugh, Ben Affleck is one hell of a slow and sloppy Batman. Not a fan of DC comics too. But I’m so looking forward to seeing Wonder Woman even though I’d prefer if she is not that model-like that much. Wonder Woman should be more athletic. Then we have Logan, Kingsman 2, Despicable Me 3, Spiderman Homecoming, Thor Ragnarok and the movie I’ve been waiting to watch… *drumrolls*…….Dunkirk. It’s Nolan’s movie.

I am a sucker for Nolan’s movie and this is war based movie, my kind of movie. I watched the trailer. It has Cillian Murphy in it and the music is by none other than Hans Zimmer. Of course, a must watch for me. Give me anything Nolan + Cillian Murphy + Hans Zimmer. I’m SOLD. haha

As for my 2017 movie starter, I’m gonna watch Arrival tomorrow.

Initially I don’t have plan to watch any movie this month despite knowing Passengers, La La Land, The Great Wall are showing now. I’m going to stream it later. Then I read some recommendation online saying Arrival is a must watch for those who like Sci-Fi and movie with extra meaning for you to think, a thought provoking movie. I’m sold even though this movie is not a mindfuck type of movie (my kind of movie), you know like Primer, Coherence etc. I still hope it’s good as people have been saying the movie is more like Interstellar. My kind of movie!


I’ve been sleeping late in the past days binge-watching Netflix series.  I’ve watched Stranger Things before and I love it. There are a lot of 90’s reference to that and seeing Winona on screen again is a swell. Can’t wait for 2nd season. This time around,  I’ve finished The Crown and Black Mirror. I love Netflix series. Next year, they’ll come out with Lemony Snicket’s Series of Unfortunate Events. I hope it’ll be fun. I’ve read the book and watched the film but I’d love to see how Netflix do it considering most of their series are fun for me.

All these binge-watching makes me feel like I was back in uni life again. I used to watch lots of TV Series and movies back in uni days. I used to download all of them and people would come to me as their source haha. Nowadays I don’t download it anymore, I stream all of them. Thank God for high speed internet. I don’t have the luxury of having high speed internet back in Uni. I was dependent on my external broadband. Le sigh.

Enough with my TV series and stuff. I’m gonna rant about what I’ve read these days. I think this new generation is such a spoilt brat (Not all of them obviously). Kids and parents these days are too flimsy. I’ve read that some parents were furious when their kids were punished for coming late to school. The punishment was only to sit on the road at the entrance.  I’d call this “a punishment in the least cruel way”.

This issue may not be new only in this generation. I think the development of internet seemingly served to accentuate this issue as well. You know, when every tiny issue is being made viral. It was only good to a certain extent.

For parents, I understand they want the best for their children but coming up with ridiculous excuses defeats the purpose. Parents complained about how their children were embarrassed of such punishment. Like seriously? Where did you go to school last time? For all I know, our schools have tons of other more ‘cruel’ punishment. But none of us make a fuss about it. There were dissatisfaction and all that but it ended there. We all know all those punishment made us who we are today.

I’m scared of seeing where this is going. I mean, in the next few years, we will be raising a spoiled and delicate generation that we always have to put their satisfaction and entitlement first. They’d have more power and control over adults. You know, we can’t ask them to do this and that anymore. We can’t punish them anymore. They’d be so delicate like a snowflake. It’s a beautiful sentiment to tell kids that everything is a rainbow but it’s not real. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose and you have to work hard in order to succeed. Bruises and a little bumps in life serve as good lessons anyway. If you do something wrong, you have to bear the consequence. Live it and own up to the mistakes you’ve made. Too much comfort isn’t good anyway.




I can’t sleep so I decided to rant in here. Bear with me. haha

I’ve been busy and lots of things kept me occupied. This weekend I managed to visit my best friend’s and her newborn in another state. I didn’t get to see the baby just yet, he was in special care newborn unit and only parents are allowed to go in. So I guess I’ll visit them again in few weeks. And today was my cousin’s engagement day. The whole day was busy. Then at night time, I managed to catch an episode of this Netflix series, The Crown.

And now is way beyond my bedtime (I sleep really early especially if tomorrow is working day) but I just can’t sleep. My mind is preoccupied with lots of things too; work, life stuff, random stuff etc. Anyhow, few days ago was election day for Americans and we all know Donald Trump is elected to be POTUS.

I didn’t really religiously follow the chronology of this election. I watched one debate and mostly I read news from the media. Safe to say, I fell victim to the idea of how the media wants us to see Trump, an idiot. It was deliberately misconstrued. I stop at that. I didn’t really dig deep on that.

Although I am actually open to anything (I don’t limit my reading to anything, any views whatsoever), I don’t really understand political views in America. So I see him just as how media portrays him. You know how media is a champion of manipulating things? It’s the same concept everywhere, even in my own country. So when he won the election, I was baffled on the idea of him winning the presidency. My initial reaction was that he played the racism, sexism card very well. I believed he tackled on their (Sexist, racist, misogynist etc) emotion well enough to win their votes. And I even believed those who voted him were those rural area voters. Pardon me for such generalization.

I am not American and I was on neither side. Not Trump nor Clinton. But I was thinking like people would vote for Clinton considering she has political experiences and whatnot. After Trump won, I read a LOT. It was an eye-opening moment for me that I began to understand how and why people voted for Trump. I see him in a different perspective. From someone with the least possibility to run a country to someone who has merit and capability of such. I see that as much as people hate issue on racism, sexism and all that, people hated political correctness even more. These people grew tired of all that coming from politicians, all those hypocrisy. And Trump himself is not an idiot but media manipulated his words. I watched Trump’s winning speech, it was not that bad. He seems genuine and he really cares about America and he wants to make America great again. Probably having a businessman running a country isn’t that bad. At least he is a realist and knows how to work hard, how to achieve things, a goal-oriented type rather than having someone who is just all talks and being subtle and juicy about the crimes they themselves created.

But it’s too early to tell. He could be a blessing in disguise but he could even be an evil. Only time can tell. If he’s all about making the country great again, it’s fine but if he’s all about banning Muslims, immigrants and all that, then we’re all doomed.

All I can say is that give him time and see what he does.

Anyway, after he won, lots of memes about him and there’s this particular one that was funny. They replaced Dormammu to Trump and was like “Donald Trump, I’ve come to bargain”. I’d imagined that scene from Doctor Strange every time it comes out and laugh. Haha

Well I should now force myself to sleep. I’m gonna be busy at office tomorrow anyway. Good night

Update: I have no idea where this is going. I mean look at Trump these days. Unbelievable! I wonder if Trump is really an idiot or was it all just an act? Hahaa